Blatant disregard of the signs (silly bastard)

This is an old piece that I’ve recently been tinkering with. I am in love with this piece, it was written right after a trip to Nassau but I think that it’s still a bit raw. So I will be working on it a bit but I wanted to share this version with you all.

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Had me
coloring my hair,
wearing makeup
and sexy clothes
Trying to make up
for the past
like it could be
erased by a Sagittarius baby tee
and lace panties

Had me holding
my breath
looking at the ground
As if I was afraid of
what I’d see if I looked
into your eyes
Scared to find a mirror
because I knew what
I would see in
mine

Had me coming
to your job
ready to fight
the competition
like we were in junior high
Wanted to slap every woman
who said hi when
I’ve never been the
jealous type of girlfriend
before

Had my eyes
so green
that my grandmother
confused me with my cousin
I tried to cover the insecurity with
domestic bliss spackle
but
it started to crack and
show the shiny spots
of slacking self-esteem

Had me spend
$2000 on a vacation
to Nassau
Got all bronzed in the sun
poured olive oil in my hair
then sipped tequila sours
While waiting for you
but it was a long wait
and not because your flight was late
Apparently my absence didn’t make your heart fonder
it just gave you the space to wander
away from what we shared
And I’m the only silly bastard
That cares.

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