I HATE FAILURE

failure

I dislike failing at things although I know that we can’t succeed at everything in life. I have failed many times in live and I like to think that those failures have informed the woman that I’ve become. I’ve lost at plenty of things, lost men that I thought I loved, lost people that I really did love, lost a bunch of my writings many times. I know how it feels to fail and to lose. But none of that changes the fact that failure burns; it is worse than the roughest bout of GERD or acid reflux.

I say all of this to lay the ground for my latest feeling of failure. NaNoWriMo…yes, the annual writing event that I was so excited about a mere thirteen days ago. I keep looking at my story and it is nowhere near what it was supposed to be. I feel like everything that I’m writing is pure garbage and that I am never going to finish the story. Never! This is the first time that I’ve ever felt this way about anything that I’ve written during the month of November; possibly with the exception of my thesis. I lost a bunch of words on the first day and that impacted my ability to create but…there is just a never ending cycle of negative feelings whenever I sit down to try to further the story. I wonder every day if I should have chosen a different story for this year. I have several others that I could have tackled but maybe…there are a million things that I could have done differently but I am still committed to this story. Not more than ever but I am determined to succeed at getting at least 50,000 words written on it even if I hate it when I’m finished. At least I’ll have something to revise. That’s good enough for now.

So I’ll bite back these feelings of failure and trudge on. Here’s to writing 2000 words a day to catch up and hopefully win NaNoWriMo.

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2 thoughts on “I HATE FAILURE

  1. Quanie Miller (@QuanieMiller) says:

    This has happened to me as well! As a matter of fact, the last three NanoWrimos and I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m not cut out for it (even though that probably won’t prevent me from getting excited about it again next year). I think that no matter what happens, whether you finish this particular project right now or set it aside and finish it later (or start something completely different), the most important thing is to not beat yourself up because who knows what will become of this story later? Maybe it will turn into something brilliant. Maybe it will lead to something else that’s brilliant, but at least you wrote something. And not many people can say that. Whatever becomes of it, good luck:)

    • southpawscribe says:

      Thanks so much Quanie! I really needed to read your words because I’ve been beating myself up quite a bit. Oh wow, I never expected to hear that this had happened to you before. I was so excited about this project and I know that it’s viable but I just don’t know if it’s doable right now when I’m trying to do so many things. What’s weighing on me is that I won last year while teaching 5 classes at institutions of higher learning and I’m not that busy this fall. Thanks again 🙂

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