This is a very rough draft of a piece that I started this earlier this week. I’m hoping to have it fully tweaked in a few weeks to present it as a gift to my cousin’s husband, their sons and the grandson who never got to meet her.
They said the pain would lessen
That it wouldn’t always hurt so much
That I would be able to smile again, to feel joy and to move without this heartache stuck in the middle of my chest.
Lies! I thought
At the time, I couldn’t imagine being able to breathe without you
Couldn’t envision going a day without hearing your voice
Or making you smile.
I’m glad that I never believed them
Because even now, somewhere deep inside
I’m still screaming in disbelief
Still waiting for your call
Or for you to come home
Hoping to show you everything you’ve missed;
How our family has grown
Until that moment,
I always thought I would be first.
That I would be ripped from you too soon.
So losing you never crossed my mind.
I believed that you would be here
Laughing that huge laugh of yours while
Taking care of our family, feeding bodies and souls
But here I am
Missing everything that made you
There is no comfort in knowing that you are
At rest, without pain
When I want you here with me.
But I know that’s impossible
Until it’s my time
I will keep missing you