This is a poem that I’ve been tinkering with for a bit. I initially wanted to post it tomorrow but decided to put it up today.
I am not really here. Instead
I am watching my chest rise and fall
Exchanging oxygen for carbon dioxide
Converting tears to smiles
As if I wasn’t still grieving
Carrying the weight of the most painful losses
Pretending that my heart doesn’t still
Twist and turn these times of the year
Like I can still live with the blood gushing through my fingers
While I try to carry on as if
Sadness isn’t seeping through my pores
Dropping from me like dew
Covering everything around me.
These losses haven’t compounded
Bruising and battering
My being in unimaginable ways.
As if the losses haven’t altered me forever.